I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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