im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
