the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
