I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize