just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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