someone get that fucking seahorse.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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