Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
