I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Randomize
