jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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