she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
