You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize