I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
