I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
