I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
