Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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