Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
