I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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