laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
