i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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