So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
