Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
