In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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