wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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