so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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