i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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