I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
