Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Sorry my hands just texted you
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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