After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
