and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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