Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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