sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
