Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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