My underwear smells like fireworks.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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