I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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