It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
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It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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