Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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