Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
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Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
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i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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