i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
