break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
