and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
