i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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