why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
