Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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