This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
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I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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