Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
