How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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