My brain says no but my pants say off.
Farmville is her only friend.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
