i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
