My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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