Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
