Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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