billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
