Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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