drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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