even my farts smell like vagina
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
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Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
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I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize