I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
