i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
