"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
