GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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