Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
