When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
