why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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