the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
