Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
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sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
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I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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