is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
