I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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