don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
