You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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