He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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