I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
