I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
