I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize