My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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