Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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