I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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