Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
