But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
they're like a gay fantastic four
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
