i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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