Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
