Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
