Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
