I didn't shave. On purpose
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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