Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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