she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
