really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
