So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
