Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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