If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
